For Lola

Yesterday marked 2 weeks since Lola died (tribute here), and these flowers are an attempt to commemorate the spectacular and sweet baby that she was. Our lives are forever changed with the absence of her notable presence. xoxox

REST IN PEACE MY BELOVED LOLA (2005-February 2, 2022)

My dearest and most beloved Lola ❤️,

I am weeping as I write to you, and my despair and grief have shattered my heart into billions and billions of tiny pieces. I hope that somehow my farewell letter finds its way to you. We shared 17+ years together, and that simply wasn't enough time with you. 

Your beginnings were rough since an unkind human tossed you, your siblings and your mom into a dumpster in LA when you were just a little baby. Thankfully, there were kind humans from a rescue organization who discovered and saved you and your whole family. I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of you and your brother, Milo (Tribute HERE), at an adoption event, and it was love at first sight. I immediately filled out the adoption papers for you and your brother and anxiously awaited the day that we could bring you home.

The day that we picked you up to bring you home was an unusually hot summer afternoon in LA, and as soon as I saw you and Milo my heart nearly burst in my chest. I was filled with such love that I couldn't contain it. In the car ride home, which was only a couple of miles, Milo sat in the back of your shared carrier frightened and distraught. You, on the other hand, not only sat in the front of the carrier, but you reached your paw through the metal perforated door to touch my arm. From the very beginning, your big personality, curiosity, assertiveness, rich character, intelligence and fearlessness could not be confined by your tiny frame. These wonderful attributes lasted your whole life.

You were an extraordinary creature in every possible way, and there are so many details of your magnificence that I have to clutch in my memory as I mourn you. You had such a loud and infectious purr, and I loved every moment when you would curl up on my chest and lick my face.

This blog was named after you because whenever I sat at my desk to work you were either on my lap or sprawled across our shared desk. 

You and Milo were so close, and when he died a year ago I worried that you would be immobilized by the loss of your brother, as I was, but your resilience, strength and resolve allowed you to survive this tremendous loss with grace.

You had the sweetest little voice, and you had the sweetest greeting when our eyes would lock. It was a single meow in a short staccato that was the sweetest audible "nya." This sweet hello always melted my heart and brightened my mood. You would crinkle your nose and open your mouth as you did it, and this gesture brought pure joy to anyone who witnessed it.

When I was remiss in giving you a fresh glass of water, and yes– not to anthropomorphize you, but you demanded a glass rather than an uncivilized bowl for animals– you would just sit next to the water and look at me. You would refuse to drink that several hours old water, and you knew that I understood your request. I would always immediately bring you fresh water and in response you would purr, blink your eyes and then proceed to drink from your glass.

Whenever one of the humans in your family walked into the kitchen, your keen superhero hearing alerted you to the opportunity for a treat (even if you were fast asleep). You would run into the kitchen and leap heroically onto the counter and make it clear that you were poised and ready for a snack. You were far too regal, and had too much dignity to reduce yourself to begging, but instead your expression clearly indicated that this was a right and not a request.

I am so sorry that I couldn't save you, and that is something for which I am riddled with guilt. There were no visible signs that something was wrong until the day before. You had been acting as you always had until the day that you didn't. 

I am also sorry that Zoe sat attentively while you ate your special food on your last day, even though she got her own. She simply couldn't resist trying to snack from your plate. She was just following her instincts, and I am pretty sure that you would have done the same thing. You will be happy to know that she hasn't left my side since you died. She understands how upset I am, and she sleeps resting her head on mine, and she never lets me out of her sight, and she pays very close attention to my moods. As soon as she senses my distress, whether or not I am crying, she sits on me, looks straight into my eyes and meows and purrs, as if to assure me that I will survive this grief and that she will take care of me. She senses you are gone, and she understands that I am suffering as a result.

Please know that you were always my sweetest and most deeply beloved baby, and that I will forever hold you deep in my heart. I will never stop missing you or grieving your loss, but I hope that one day I can do it without weeping.

It gives me a measure of peace imagining that you are reunited with Milo– you spent your entire lives together until his untimely death last year, and now I hope that you are playing, napping and happily together again.

If you feel enveloped by a warm and loving sensation, you probably already know that is me and your human dad embracing you with our love. I will spare you any of the typical platitudes that humans use when someone they love dies. Just know that I have always loved you so deeply that words utterly fail to express my feelings for you. 

Play and nap in peace, my sweetest Lolita Bonita. I am sorry that your body betrayed you and took your life from you. I didn't know that day was going to be your last day, and I am grateful that I was with you the whole time.

It is impossible for me to tell you how much I love you, but I think that you know that. Just carry the knowledge in your heart that you were, and will always remain, deeply loved. I am sending an abundance of love to you and Milo.

Je t'aime plus qu'hier moins que demain, ma petite Lola. 

xoxox, ₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎ﾉ♡

Rest in Peace Notorious RBG (1933-2020)

A couple of years ago I went to the most incredible exhibit, Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles, and how I wish I could see it again to commemorate this extraordinary woman's life. May she rest in peace.