My dearest and most beloved Lola ❤️,
I am weeping as I write to you, and my despair and grief have shattered my heart into billions and billions of tiny pieces. I hope that somehow my farewell letter finds its way to you. We shared 17+ years together, and that simply wasn't enough time with you.
Your beginnings were rough since an unkind human tossed you, your siblings and your mom into a dumpster in LA when you were just a little baby. Thankfully, there were kind humans from a rescue organization who discovered and saved you and your whole family. I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of you and your brother, Milo (Tribute HERE), at an adoption event, and it was love at first sight. I immediately filled out the adoption papers for you and your brother and anxiously awaited the day that we could bring you home.
The day that we picked you up to bring you home was an unusually hot summer afternoon in LA, and as soon as I saw you and Milo my heart nearly burst in my chest. I was filled with such love that I couldn't contain it. In the car ride home, which was only a couple of miles, Milo sat in the back of your shared carrier frightened and distraught. You, on the other hand, not only sat in the front of the carrier, but you reached your paw through the metal perforated door to touch my arm. From the very beginning, your big personality, curiosity, assertiveness, rich character, intelligence and fearlessness could not be confined by your tiny frame. These wonderful attributes lasted your whole life.
You were an extraordinary creature in every possible way, and there are so many details of your magnificence that I have to clutch in my memory as I mourn you. You had such a loud and infectious purr, and I loved every moment when you would curl up on my chest and lick my face.
This blog was named after you because whenever I sat at my desk to work you were either on my lap or sprawled across our shared desk.
You and Milo were so close, and when he died a year ago I worried that you would be immobilized by the loss of your brother, as I was, but your resilience, strength and resolve allowed you to survive this tremendous loss with grace.
Whenever one of the humans in your family walked into the kitchen, your keen superhero hearing alerted you to the opportunity for a treat (even if you were fast asleep). You would run into the kitchen and leap heroically onto the counter and make it clear that you were poised and ready for a snack. You were far too regal, and had too much dignity to reduce yourself to begging, but instead your expression clearly indicated that this was a right and not a request.I am so sorry that I couldn't save you, and that is something for which I am riddled with guilt. There were no visible signs that something was wrong until the day before. You had been acting as you always had until the day that you didn't.
I am also sorry that Zoe sat attentively while you ate your special food on your last day, even though she got her own. She simply couldn't resist trying to snack from your plate. She was just following her instincts, and I am pretty sure that you would have done the same thing. You will be happy to know that she hasn't left my side since you died. She understands how upset I am, and she sleeps resting her head on mine, and she never lets me out of her sight, and she pays very close attention to my moods. As soon as she senses my distress, whether or not I am crying, she sits on me, looks straight into my eyes and meows and purrs, as if to assure me that I will survive this grief and that she will take care of me. She senses you are gone, and she understands that I am suffering as a result.
Please know that you were always my sweetest and most deeply beloved baby, and that I will forever hold you deep in my heart. I will never stop missing you or grieving your loss, but I hope that one day I can do it without weeping.
It gives me a measure of peace imagining that you are reunited with Milo– you spent your entire lives together until his untimely death last year, and now I hope that you are playing, napping and happily together again.
Play and nap in peace, my sweetest Lolita Bonita. I am sorry that your body betrayed you and took your life from you. I didn't know that day was going to be your last day, and I am grateful that I was with you the whole time.
It is impossible for me to tell you how much I love you, but I think that you know that. Just carry the knowledge in your heart that you were, and will always remain, deeply loved. I am sending an abundance of love to you and Milo.
I am so very sorry to hear about Lola's passing. What a beauty and classy little being she was! I love that she insisted on drinking from a glass. Also, I had no idea that it was just a year since Milo's passing. Unfair, for sure. I am glad that Zoe is there to help you with your grief.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Allison. I really appreciate your kind words. Lola was definitely a character, and preferring to drink from a glass was delightful! Zoe is definitely such a sensitive being, and her tenderness toward me right now is especially touching.Delete
I am so devastated to hear of your loss. Tears are coming to me along with great sorrow because I miss my kitties in a similar way. In both cases, I didn't know it was their last day. I empathize completely. I have been comforted lately, though, since a very intuitive lady told me all about my Tiger boy being nearby wanting to send me messages. She described him perfectly, his expressions and personality and the way his big, fluffy tail was curling around her legs when she saw him. (I hadn't told her anything about him.) So I pulled out his baby picture to frame and keep where I can see it. It helps me immensely. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you have a kitty to comfort you through this grief. Please know that whatever you feel guilty about, Lola only loves you and doesn't hold anything at all against you. With deep sympathy - Angie, www.yourtrueselfblog.comReplyDelete
Hi Angie, Thank you for your very compassionate comment– I really appreciate it so much. I am so sorry that you understand this type of unforeseen loss, it is just so devastating because you don't se it coming, and don't have time to emotionally prepare yourself for what is about to com. I am so sorry for your losses as well! It is amazing that VERY INTUITIVE lady sensed Tiger! I have pictures of Lola up, and it is helping me immensely as well. xoxoDelete
My heart goes out to you on your loss. She sounds like the best cat, one that knew how much love there was for her in your home and heart. It's so hard to be without the ones we love but she lives on in your heart and in this beautiful memorial to her.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Marcia! This means a lot to me. She was a remarkable kitty, and I know that you know firsthand what this type of loss is like! xoxoxDelete
I am so very sorry for your loss. I have also lost long-time pet/family members and it's always heartbreaking. I always find comfort in knowing that they truly know how much they were loved and knew it from day one!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Claudia! I am sorry that you have also experienced this type of heartbreak! I know what you mean, knowing that they understood that hey were deeply loved is a serious comfort. xoxoDelete
RIP sweet Lola <3 I am very sorry for your loss.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Anastasia! <3Delete
I am so sorry for your lost! She will always be in your heart, my billie has been gone for over 15 years and right now I am crying thinking about her. But it will get better you have all those wonderful memories. One day at a time.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your kind words, I am touched and I really needed that! I am so sorry that you lost your Billie 15 years ago. I still mourn many of the sweet babies that I have had throughout my life. I know that once the acute shock and grief give way to the wonderful memories, that I will have a bit more comfort, but as you just demonstrated, those tears flow quite easily when you think about the magnitude of this type of monumental loss! I share your tears for Billie!Delete
So very sorry for your loss..sending you and your family love and strength <3ReplyDelete
Thank you so much, Paris! You are very kind, and your meaningful words are going me comfort! <3Delete
Oh how sorry I am for your loss. She was a remarkable soul and you gave her a marvelous, love-filled life. May her memory be a blessing.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Velvetwhip! A remarkable soul, she was! Her memory is definitely a blessing, but I will profoundly miss her for the rest of time!Delete
I am so sorry for your loss! I've had many cats all my life and that is the worst thing in the world! My heart goes out to you!ReplyDelete
Thank you for your kindness, Jackie! I am sorry for all of your kitty losses over the years, I have had many of them as well, and it really is the worst thing in the world! Thank you for caring! <3Delete
I'm so very sorry. I'm glad both Lola and Milo found you and were able to have many happy years with you. Take careReplyDelete
Thank you so much for your kindness, Iris! This has definitely been an incalculable loss for my family! I really appreciate your beautiful words, thy help a lot! I hope that you are doing well! <3Delete